The Perfect Moment

It's that moment right before the lights turn on and everyone starts to get ready to disperse from the party. You're holding onto each other's hand, the night blurry, and you are not sure what's going to happen once you two separates. Numbers have been exchanged, but there's that question whether either one will contact the other. You gaze into each other's eyes as if the answer as to what's going to happen next is written there, holding on just that one minute longer before you have to let go and head toward your group of friends. That last kiss, the last gaze, that pondering feeling that gets your heart racing; that perfect moment. 

Maybe I'm strange, but I really enjoy that moment even though I have no anticipation of contacting the person in front of me ever again. I don't even have the expectation of them reaching out to me or that I may potentially bump into them on the street one day. And going home with them is definitely not an interest of mine, because partying hard does not mean risking your chance of diseases. I just hold onto their number in my phone with no names added to those digits. Sometimes, I almost hope they don't reach out to me because that may potentially ruin the perfect moment I experienced the night before. 

I'm not sure if I'm starting to feel this way because relationships is not within my interest at the moment. For the first time in my life, I am actually living and experiencing and seeing the world from a completely different perspective. I don't want to be tied down, settle and live the typical circle of life. I want to grow wings and fly. I want to meet people, experience the different emotions with each individual (on a nonsexual level), develop potential friendships (or sometimes, maybe a little more but just a little) and hear all the stories people have to tell me about THEIR life. I want to learn what books can't teach. I want to feel the perfect moment with every individual I meet and maybe one day, I'll come across someone who makes me feel that moment every single day of my life. 


I started working in customer service related fields at a young age and maybe that is why I never thought too much when I apologized for my mistakes. It seemed natural. You made a mistake, you caused an inconvenience, so you say sorry and move on with life. And because I know the simple acknowledgement of my mistakes goes a long way with the other person. 

However, in the recent years, I have come across many acquaintances and friends who were either never taught how to apologize or doesn't understand the significance of it. They can cause their friends to be late and they will always have an excuse that exempts them from apologizing. Why? Why do people think it's justified simply because they are not the main cause of the issue? 

For example, if my friends were late, I'm given excuses like "I didn't know the last event would last longer than my estimated time" or they make a joke out of it. But really, I don't want to hear any excuses or reasoning. I understand situations are not always as planned and we do not have supernatural power to make adjustments to any change of plans thrown at us. I just want to hear an apology that you recognized I had to spend an extra hour or two waiting for you. I want an acknowledgement that you realized I was basically throwing away an hour or two, because of your unpredictable circumstances. That's all. No excuses, no jokes, just a "sorry". 

If people never understood why an apology is so significant, then maybe they should try to think about it. It's not just a simple word, it's more than an acknowledgement of being wrong and it's another way of saying "I understand you had to spend this extra time on me and I appreciate it". In some situations, it's an apology. In another, it's a way of showing appreciation. And trust me, it really does go a long way. 

Example of Boys You Shouldn't Be With an ex-boyfriend. 

I never really understood relationships that goes back and forth. I understand if it's due to a special circumstance, but I'm pinpointing the ones where the couple constant fights, breaks up, gets back together and then repeat. And repeat many many times after and for years. 

What is the point of getting back together if the issue isn't resolved? And say you think it's been solved, wouldn't the second, third or even forth fight prove otherwise? But then people always keep going back. 

Sometimes, I question if it's the fear of never finding someone else. Recently, I came to a possibility that it's because of investment; time, finance, emotions. Mostly emotions. A dragged on relationship consists of so much invested emotion that it's difficult to suddenly break all ties and start over. 

If the relationship was consistent with minimal arguments, will the two people involved still spend so much time contemplating whether it's worth it to give it another chance or "start over"? Can you ever really start over like a clean piece of white paper when it's been teared and stained? Even recycled paper has marks on them, right? 

Sometimes, those who think they are mature are the least mature. And those who think they are immature are sometimes the ones who are most mature. 

I think it's because the latter gives themselves room to grow. 

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